With all my intentions, I had hoped that I would be a more active blogger but I have found that I have not been as on top of this as I would have liked. But alas, there is always today, tomorrow, and the days after this that will allow me to be better!
The past couple of months have been difficult. My mom got really ill after my dad himself was released from the hospital. She was at the hospital for almost four weeks until they discharged her, sent her home with a caregiver, told her to stay in bed for a while, and change her entire lifestyle.
I know how this whole situation comes across, and so I've gone about my days as usual, with school and work. Besides time with a couple close friends, I have enjoyed my solitude in the past couple of months while dealing with my own emotions surrounding my family.
This being said I have found that many things I believe strongly in, are even more predominant than usual. I believe in hard work, independence, and remaining humble. I believe in success for those who do those things, I believe in justice, and karma.
I have been dealing with the turmoil in my mind surrounding the idea of ego.
I have never been a judgmental person, I wish the best for everyone, I don't hate anything, and I have tried for as long as I can remember to discover and understand why things happen, and why people act a certain way. Lately I have realized that many of these actions I will never be able to understand because I cannot connect.
I cannot connect, but I can be compassionate.
I do not like greed. And I cannot understand being spoiled, or spoiling someone to the point that they don't appreciate their basic needs. While it frustrates me, I can only be compassionate, that those who are raised this way, can only be expected to understand life in a certain way, and can only act in a certain way. I can only be kind to them.
I cannot understand the idea of entitlement, without hard work, dedication, and education. Whether it is for a job, or money, or even for lifestyle. And I don't mean education about a career, I mean life skills, understanding how to treat people, being street smart. Each of us makes mistakes, but you should learn from those times, not expect someone else to clean up your mess, and not passively take out your aggression on those around you.
That frustrates me, it intrigues me, and it is something I can't understand. I can only be compassionate towards the individuals who live this way.
But I also don't have to include these people substantially in my life. And over the past year I have parted ways, or distanced myself from many people because of this. Not because i judge them or because I think any less of them, but because we are no longer on the same playing field. We are no longer teammates and friends, who I can trust. People change. I've changed.
Because, I know that wanting to be a better person has a lot to do with an individual. It is personality, it is actions, and not words, it is change and discovering yourself. It is a choice, plain and simple. And many people choose to victimize themselves, instead of take responsibility for their downfalls.
So while I will continue everyday to be as admirable, and compassionate, and kind to these old friends, acquaintances, and strangers, I cannot have them be in my life.
Who we choose to surround ourselves with, represent pieces of ourselves. And superficial things will never be more important to me than, life, intellect, being positive no matter what, and working hard.
Struggling is human, being ungrateful is a choice. There is a thin line between the two.
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